I went to a really beautiful full moon gathering last night at the James Bay Cafe. At the last minute I decided to sign up and do a reading and share a piece I wrote about reviving a man with Naloxone in the summer.

I’ve been doing a lot of yoga, meditation, dance, healthy eating and introspection over the past few days and was feeling quite calm and was able to read better then I ever had. Some people came up to me afterwards and talked to me and were impacted by what I shared and I felt really good about it. I also got a free meal made by the organizers mom and a group of volunteers and it was so ridiculously delicious: slow cooked lentils with ghee, vegetables and spices, pakoras, two different kinds of chutney and a sweet (but not too sweet) sesame dessert. It was all seasonal and I could taste that all of the ingredients were very high quality. There was also delicious home made chai. After the reading we did a chai ceremony and took care to really appreciate the spiritual significance of the drink and take our time and drink it slowly. Then we wrapped a red string around each others wrists to represent the past the present and the future.

At that point I was quite hungry and I was also feeling very self conscious, as reading my piece was quite emotional and I was starting to feel very vulnerable. So I got some food, found a corner to hide in and after I was done eating, I started to make my exit.

I walked down to the ocean front and the tide was out and mounds of polypy rocks were exposed out in the distance. The clouds were gathered in translucent geometrical blobs descending far down into the horizon, and the moon was fading in and out of shining brightly and then being slightly obscured. The lighter coloured rocks were glowing incandescently and I was easily able to make my way out to the tallest point on the rocks. Once I got there, tears started flowing out of my face and the knots inside of me started wilting away. It was very very calm out. The morning previously there had been an eclipse and a huge snowfall and the world was being shit back out of some cosmic butthole. I walked around for several hours and didn’t see one other person. A few animals scurried around in my midst but I didn’t see them clearly. Only once I got to Beacon hill park did I see a few racoons, a duck and then a person in the park was screaming into the void, “fucking bitch, fuck you, fuck you...” over and over.

In the traditions of many Indigenous cultures on these lands, one is meant to stay indoors when the moon eclipses the sun, as the energy is too intense. I’ve started to take heed of this advice and through the whole snowfall and eclipse I was stowed away in my apartment, deep in dance, meditation, writing and cooking. Now was the calm after the storm and I let the light of the moon shine down on me for a long time. I became quite lost and eventually had to turn on my phone and use a map to get me out of the park. I also had a giant can of bear spray on me.

I finally made it home and thankfully my apartment was clean and my bed was even made for once so I crawled in and cried some more and then fell into a deep sleep.