This will be the first posting from live shows I've seen!
This was the first live show I checked out since Covid
(aside from a few performances at a protest I went to in
victoria – which included Carmanah, which was so beautiful
and wonderful)
I was initially planning to go to Vancouver for Halloween
but I ended up with a sprained ankle and no vehicle. I was
really excited when I heard that Petunia and the Vipers were
coming to Ladysmith and decided that I must go see them. I
got a vahicle to borrow for the evening and began 13 hours
of preparing myself mentinally physiclaly and emotioanlly
for a social outing. I knew it would be somewhat intimate,
as it was at the legion hall. and I was going alone so I was
a bit nervous. I mulled various scenerios over in my mind 1.
ending up getting lured into som ehillblly party circle
snorting fentanyl laced K and ending up in parallel
dimension giving birth to gremlins out of my nostrils.
Actulaly one time I wa son the bus in the DTES and a guy got
on and was very distressed and came right to me and grabbed
me and strateing hugging me and crying and when I looked him
he had the biggst most brightest teal green eyes I’ve ever
een. The tears wer estreamign down his face like a faucet
and he started talking really fast telling me abou this life
and all his dramas with his girlfiend in the tent city. At
one poiitn he was hallucinating that the Bundy’s were living
inside of his nose and I was like holy fcuk dude, I can
laugh at it now a tlittle bit thoug in the moment he wa so
sidtressed and hearing about his early childhood I really
felt for him. I offered to take him to carnegie but he said
that he was banned from there. He sais he was on his way to
go jump off a bridge. I really didn’t know how to handle the
siutation, it was so overwhelming. He was wearing a white
ski jacket that was heaivly soiled and he smelled so bad and
he just grabbed right onto me clutching me like I was his
long lost mother. This was when I was first starting to com
eto terms with empathy. I never thought of myself as an
empath when I wa syounger, I was so cut off from my feelings
and had weaved myself a bitchy gothic metal exoskeleton to
cope with my deeper sensitivities. I guess people have often
been drawn to me when in utter desperation but I used to
really resent and resist it. Sometime people just need a
shoulder to cry on for a fewminutes and have someone listen
to them and hear them and look inot their strange and
beautiful eyes. He gogt off the bus beofre we hit the
downtown core away from any potential briges to jump off. I
hope he ‘s okay. He probably isn’t. He might bee dead.
that’s the reality of the downtown eastside: poverty, drug,
addiction and dispossesion. Overdoses, homelessness and the
disparity between the rich and the poor .
I guess I was thinking about this whole thing of having
beings living inside of one’s nostrils, and that fucked up
hallucination the guy was having that seemed so real to him
and was kinda funny but also not funny at all. I guess part
of making this website is o I could write freely and not
have to give a fuck aout spelling, puncutation, editors or
the whole publication industry in general. I spent enough
time comprimising my creativity for souless producers in the
film world so I want to kep my writing pure. I wonder often
if the way my super charged brain works is from 1. piles of
LSD taken between the ages of 13-15 2. mental breakdowns /
mental illness 3. spiritual awakening 4.
neurdiversity/aspergers/ autism 5. double mercury in my
natal chart 6. HSP overwhelm 7. microchips parachuted down
on the backs of invisible alien reptillian insectoids
materialized from chem trails and the bong smoke of
nonbinary forest trolls who creep into my house in the
middle of the night. or ?? but ya back to petunia and the
vipers, my mind and emotions were reeling all day as I
contemplated various scenerios that might occur if I were to
go to the show like 2. having a panic attack and triggering
a mentla health emergency. Or 3. just feeling really awkward
and crying my way home. I decided to make myself a bath
which involved chopping osme kindling, cleaning out the
outdoor bathtub of shedding cedar sprigs, stoking the fire,
and waiting until it became near bioling hot. I cooled it
down with rain water collected in buckets and slid into the
steaming water as smoke billowe dup from around me. I did
some breathwork to calm my nervous system and imagined
myself rooting into the earth. I let the dark energies
clouding my mind disintegrate and get eaten into the layers
of soil beneath me.
It was getting close to the time I needed to leave and my
cat was sensing thast something was up and began making
barricades in my foot path in protest of my imending
departure by sprawling her long grey body along the floor in
front of me wherever I would go in the small traile ri live
in. I fussed about what to wear, I’m self partnering don’t
wan tot get hit on by any creeps or tempted into hooking up
with some hot wastoid and i dont’ want any scary alpha
breeder girls to think i’m out for their men. So I decide to
wear a scruffy hoody and big vintage glasses. I have some
cool vintage 80’s suede shoes with fringes on them hat I
recently scored on etsy, and wanted to get as much wear out
ofthem before the sky godds remind us all that we live in a
fucking rainforest and I squeezed myself into some low rise
skinny jeans which appretnly arent’ cool anymore.
i’m a bad driver at the best of times so continue with my
breathwork as I drive down the highway in my stepdads big
white ford explorer. The sky is moslty clear with purplish
grey string of clouds on the horizon. The moon is small and
waning and can’t be seen. The stars are screaing out from
the patches of sky I can glimpse thorugh street lights
houses, trees, apartmenet coplexes and amlls. As head I head
past the nanaimo airport into more scruffy industrialied
areas I see a giant hunk off a falling star gliding down to
the right of me. Ok, I’m awake now. I’m not depressed
anymore, everythign is fine..
I get to the venue and i’m greeted by a mask bedecked older
man in a large tan tasseled leather jacket who’s kind and
softsppoken and directs me to where everythign is in the
hall. I get into the room just as the first act is ending
and find a seat on the far end of a free table. As I was
sdriving I had a thought, i’ll probably end up sitting
next to some friendly older couple. And that’s exactly
what happened. The husband called over to me quietly, “this
act will be over soon and then petunia is up next”. I felt
instantly cozy and welcomes and realized I probably didn’t
need to shot of shiskey I ordered to calm my nerves but it
was nice to slowly sip the liquor and feel it seep into all
of my cells. I only drink about 4-6 time s year and usually
just a drink or 2 so I really savour it when I do. And I
really feel it strongly as I have so little tolerance.
During the intermission the coupel started talking to me and
it turns out their son lived in china and they had been
there several times. I had been living there befroe covid
times and so we had a lot to talk about that. They had both
been married and had full families and then reconnected
thorugh facebook having met in their adolescnece. It was a
sweet love story and they seemed so happy together. It was
their first time out to show since covid times as well and
they were friends with the singer of the opening band who
had organized the show. It was so cool to see petunia in
such a small venue. The first time I saw them was even
smaller, a tiny cramped run-down art glalery just off of
fmain st. in vancouver. I was like holy fuck my swiss soul,
this guy is full on yodelliing but is also toally dark punk
folk country. I think the best description I have read of
petunia ‘s music is “Imagine that David Lynch and Nick Cave
had a hillbilly baby, that yodelled…” though on this evening
the yodelling was a bit more subdued.
most of the songs performed were new and unreleased and
petunia said they likely won't be released for quite some
time as they alredy have another full album waiting to be
recorded. the songs were really beautiful and i look forward
to hearing them again, either in person if i can get to
another show or when they're finally released on vinyl. i
came home with their latest album on vinyl and listened to
it while i winded down from all of the excitement. my cat
laid down on my stomach and tears streamed down my face as
the anxieties of the day melted out of my body. i sometimes
wonder how i was able to do so much hard partying and emerge
from it relatively unscathed. i mean i nealry died and went
through some heavy shit but somehow i can still find a
lightness of spirit and i'm thankful for that. i'm thankful
for the cleansing tears and i'm so thankfukl to be able ot
see live msuic again.
this was my favourite song from the evening:
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