All life is precious, and I do believe that a foetus is a
living being with a certain amount of consciousness. I don’t
think that abortion should be taken lightly and it’s not
something that I ever wanted to have to go through.
I’ve always been very fastidious about safe sex, yet some
years ago, despite using a condom, I became pregnant. The
person who impregnated me already had a child who he had
abandoned and he was an abusive, alcoholic narcissist. I had
left him before I found out that I was pregnant.
I was in a small town in Australia when I picked up a
pregnancy test after missing my period. I went into a bathroom
at a community centre, and after a couple of minutes saw that
I was indeed pregnant. When I came out of the community
centre, a very large eucalyptus tree had fallen into the road
taking down power lines in sync with my discovery.
I knew that if I were to have the child that I would suffer
terribly and the child would carry many of the same wounds
that I've carried throughout my life. I was recovering from
being in a mental hospital and I had very little support at
the time.
I had an abortion.
I grieved hard that winter I spent alone in the house I shared
with 2 others in Preston who had both gone home to be with
their families. I was crumpled on the floor of the living room
for many hours howling like an animal from the emotional pain
of terminating the pregnancy.
Even though I knew that it would be terrible to have a child
with the wounded man that I was dating, it felt very good to
be pregnant. My body felt alive and I felt a huge surge of
energy. I was spiritually, physically and emotionally torn by
the decision I had made.
I wish that there had been more emotional support and
discussion at the clinic when I went there. I wish the person
who had impregnated me had understood better how difficult it
was for me. When I was crying afterwards he told me that there
was no difference between what I had gone through and “having
a cyst removed”.
There are several people who I’ve encountered who treat
abortions like birth control and have had 6 or more abortions.
I could sense the overwhelming damage that they had caused
both to themselves and in the spirit world. I’ve supported
some of the people in my life before and after their
abortions, and it wasn’t easy. Many people suffer afterwards,
both physically and emotionally, even when they are performed
responsibly and legally.
One time I also provided emotional support for a friend of
mine whose girlfriend decided to terminate a pregnancy when he
was in favour of keeping the baby. He was devastated, and he
was very angry with her saying “she killed my baby” and “she’s
dead to me.” I really felt for him, and it wasn’t until I
became pregnant myself that I understood the reality of what
it would mean to carry a child that I didn’t feel ready to
carry.
However difficult of a choice it is to have an abortion, and
however much trauma it can cause, I still feel very strongly
about a person’s choice to have one or not. I believe that the
trauma of an unwanted pregnancy is far greater, particularly
when a person has been sexually assaulted, pressured into sex,
is high risk for complications during childbirth, or is very
young (in the case of my friend’s girlfriend who chose to
terminate her pregnancy). Before modern science, many people
died during childbirth.
The termination of pregnancies is something that will always
happen regardless of what the laws dictate. Human beings are
not perfect and unwanted pregnancies will continue to happen
as long as humans continue to exist. In many tribal societies
there were herbal medicines used to end pregnancies, and
people sometimes found terrible ways of ending pregnancies
before abortion became widely available.
Maybe in the future, as humans slowly evolve, there will be a
coming together of the two opposing forces in the abortion
argument? Those who are steadfastly opposed could invest their
resources into educating people about responsible ejaculation
and emotionally supporting pregnant people before, during and
after their abortions. Maybe some people will choose not to
have abortions when they understand more deeply how it may
effect them? Some people might be too ashamed to admit how
fucked up they are afterwards and may want
(non-denominational) spiritual healing around what they’ve
gone through? But that healing will only happen when supported
with love and compassion - not through violence, ignorance,
hatred or condemnation.
And perhaps those who are radically in favour of abortion can
show some sympathy as to the sentience of a foetus, and that
abortion can be very traumatizing for a person. Going to great
lengths to prove that a foetus is nothing but a glob of flesh
betrays the reality of what many people go through on a deeper
level.
Interestingly, what on the surface seems like a corny 80’s
flick, the original Dirty Dancing film has a powerful
side story around abortion, and I recommend watching it. It’s
also just a great film overall with a female writer and
producer (Eleanor Bergstein), who pushed hard to keep the
abortion scenes in there.
**
Even though having an abortion was difficult, once I made it
through the grieving and healing process, I knew that I had
made the right decision and it’s not something that's come up
for me again on an emotional or spiritual level.
The choice of whether to have a child or not is a very
personal and sensitive one, and each childbearing human must
make that decision on their own.
I would love to bring a child into this world, but I won’t do
that without a stable and loving partner. That is my choice.
If you're against abortion, please educate all of your
ejaculating friends and/or yourself on how to ejaculate
responsibly. If the person I was having intercourse with had
used his condom effectively and had been a more kind and
loving person, I would never have had to go through all that I
went through. If he had seen sex as something precious and my
body as something sacred to be honoured, he wouldn’t have been
so eager and sloppy. He was a very selfish lover, and it
wasn’t even good sex.
If you think that more people should carry out their
pregnancies rather than have abortions, then help create a
society where there is equal access to food, shelter, housing,
health care, social services and mental health support. If you
identify as a man and you don't agree with abortion, then
please go out of your way to provide love and support to all
parents and all children. If all of the impregnators of the
world were supportive and loving providers who honoured and
respected their partners and children, it might be more
appealing to bring children into the world.
If you are "pro-life" - yet also "pro-gun", "pro-war",
"pro-capitalist", or endorsing some kind of dogmatic religious
belief system, then you probably should look into getting
yourself some kind of therapy, or go spend a year at a
Vipassana centre or something..
Reclamation
These are our
demands
We want control
of our bodies
Decisions
will now be ours
You will carry out
your noble actions
And we will carry
our noble scars
scars scars scars
Reclamation
Reclamation
No one is asking
No one is asking
No one is asking
But there
is a question of trust
You will do what looks good to you on paper
And we will do
What we must
must must must
Reclamation
Reclamation
Return, return, return
return, return, return
Carry my body
Carry my body
Carry my body
- Fugazi
When I was 13 I had to switch schools after being bullied and
I ended up taking an hour long bus from Nelson to the Slocan
Valley every morning. Being bullied fucking sucks and I
continued to be bullied at the new school, though there were
also a lot of very interesting and unique people at Mount
Sentinel, and I quickly made a lot of friends. It was a small
school and went from Grade 8 - Grade 12 so there were a lot of
older people around, and a lot of them were into underground
music.
There was a guy who would get on the bus half way en route to
the school, and I had a bit of a crush on him. He looked
somewhat like the singer of the band Grapes of Wrath
and he seemed as introverted as I was.
One day he handed me a cassette tape and said something like
“I think you might like this” and then left. I don't remember
us talking again afterwards.
What he had presented me with was a recorded copy of Fugazi’s
Steady Diet of Nothing. I was very excited to hear the
music and listened to it voraciously - and I became an instant
fan.
That tape was sacred to me and I came across it again last
year when I was living at my folks place. I was listening to
it recently, and I was paying attention to the lyrics more
carefully than I had in the past. I began wondering if the
song Reclamation was a pro-choice song, and it seemed
very timely. I looked up the lyrics and read about other’s
interpretations of the song. I reread the lyrics many times
and meditated on each line.
I think that this song embodies what perfect lyrics are meant
to do, and poetry in general, in using simple words weaved in
a way that conveys multi-faceted interpretations. It seems to
be a plea for reclamation from all of the forced trauma on the
bodies of humans. Whether it’s rape, war, circumcision or
reproductive rights – we all want control of our bodies.
Decisions will now be ours could be referring to
abortion or conscription. Our noble scars could be
referring to emotional scars or circumcision scars.
Return return return could signal the spiritual process
of reclaiming one’s sovereignty or bodies coming home from
war. Carry my body could be a plea for emotional
support and empathy or a request to carry another’s body, as a
person being forced to carry a baby, in order to understand
the full weight of what it means to be pregnant. Or it could
be referencing the literal carrying of coffins of dead
soldiers returning from war.
Not only are these lyrics complex and shiver inducing, the
music itself has some extremely powerful base lines and beats,
synthy guitar sounds and an infectious cadence. Beyond lyrical
analysis and the technicalities of the music is the empowering
essence of this song, which can be felt ethereally.
I’ve been listening to this song a lot since the Roe vs. Wade
decision and it feels like the perfect salve to the archaic
and backwards policies that are being enacted in America right
now.
* when I use the term "man", I'm referring to gender
orientation, not assigned sex
